<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Document//EN"    "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"><html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /><title>The Devil&rsquo;s Dictionary: B</title></head> <body lang="en-US"> <h1>B</h1> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Baal,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An old deity formerlymuch worshiped under various names.As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians; as Belus or Bel he had the honor tobe served by the priest Berosus, who wrote the famous account of the Deluge;as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his glory on the Plain of Shinar. From Babel comes our English word&ldquo;babble.&rdquo; Under whatever name worshiped,Baal is the Sun-god. As Beelzebub he is the god of flies, which are begottenof the sun&rsquo;s rays on the stagnant water. In Physicia Baal is stillworshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundantsacrifice by the priests of Guttledom.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">babe</span> or <span class="def">baby,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Amisshapen creature of no particular age, sex, orcondition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies andantipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion. Therehave been famous babes; for example, little Moses, from whose adventure in thebulrushes the Egyptian hierophants of seven centuries before doubtless derivedtheir idle tale of the child Osiris being preserved on a floating lotus leaf.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="poind3">Ere babes were invented</p><p class="poind3">The girls were contended.</p><p class="poind3">Now man is tormented</p><p class="po">Until to buy babes he has squandered</p><p class="po">His money. And so I have pondered</p><p class="poind3">This thing, and thought may be</p><p class="poind3">&rsquo;T were better that Baby</p><p class="po">The First had been eagled or condored.</p><p class="citeauth">Ro Amil.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Bacchus,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A convenientdeity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">Is public worship, then, a sin,</p><p class="poind2">That for devotions paid to Bacchus</p><p class="po">The lictors dare to run us in,</p><p class="poind2">And resolutely thump and whack us?</p><p class="citeauth">Jorace.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">back,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> That part of yourfriend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">backbite,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To speak of a man asyou find him when he can&rsquo;t find you.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bait,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A preparationthat renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.</p> <p id="baptism" class="entry"><span class="def">baptism,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A sacred rite ofsuch efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever.It is performed with water in two ways by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">But whether the plan of immersion</p><p class="po">Is better than simple aspersion</p><p class="poind1">Let those immersed</p><p class="poind1">And those aspersed</p><p class="po">Decide by the Authorized Version,</p><p class="po">And by matching their agues tertian.</p><p class="citeauth">G. J.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">barometer,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ingeniousinstrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">barrack,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A house in whichsoldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">basilisk,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The cockatrice.A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a bad eye, and its glance wasfatal. Many infidels deny this creature&rsquo;s existence, but Semprello Aurator saw and handled onethat had been blinded by lightning as a punishment for having fatally gazed ona lady of rank whom Jupiter loved. Juno afterward restored the reptile&rsquo;ssight and hid it in a cave. Nothing is so well attested by the ancients asthe existence of the basilisk, but the cocks have stopped laying.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bastinado,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The act of walkingon wood without exertion.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bath,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A kind of mystic ceremonysubstituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">The man who taketh a steam bath</p><p class="po">He loseth all the skin he hath,</p><p class="po">And, for he&rsquo;s boiled a brilliant red,</p><p class="po">Thinketh to cleanliness he&rsquo;s wed,</p><p class="po">Forgetting that his lungs he&rsquo;s soiling</p><p class="po">With dirty vapors of the boiling.</p><p class="citeauth">Richard Gwow.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">battle,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A method of untyingwith the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">beard,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The hair that is commonlycut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">beauty,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The power by which a womancharms a lover and terrifies a husband.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">befriend,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To make an ingrate.</p> <p class="entry" id="beg"><span class="def">beg,</span> <span class="pos">v.</span> To ask for something withan earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">Who is that, father?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">A mendicant, child,</p><p class="po">Haggard, morose, and unaffable&mdash;wild!</p><p class="po">See how he glares through the bars of his cell!</p><p class="po">With Citizen Mendicant all is not well.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">Why did they put him there, father?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">Because</p><p class="po">Obeying his belly he struck at the laws.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">His belly?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">Oh, well, he was starving, my boy&mdash;</p><p class="po">A state in which, doubtless, there&rsquo;s little of joy.</p><p class="po">No bite had he eaten for days, and his cry</p><p class="po">Was &ldquo;Bread!&rdquo; ever &ldquo;Bread!&rdquo;</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">What&rsquo;s the matter with pie?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">With little to wear, he had nothing to sell;</p><p class="po">To beg was unlawful&mdash;improper as well.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">Why didn&rsquo;t he work?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">He would even have done that,</p><p class="po">But men said: &ldquo;Get out!&rdquo; and the State remarked:</p><p class="po">&ldquo;Scat!&rdquo;</p><p class="po">I mention these incidents merely to show</p><p class="po">That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low.</p><p class="po">Revenge, at the best, is the act of a Siou,</p><p class="po">But for trifles&mdash;</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">Pray what did bad Mendicant do?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack</p><p class="po">And tuck out the belly that clung to his back.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">Is that <i>all</i> father dear?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">There&rsquo;s little to tell:</p><p class="po">They sent him to jail, and they&rsquo;ll send him to&mdash;well,</p><p class="po">The company&rsquo;s better than here we can boast,</p><p class="po">And there&rsquo;s&mdash;</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: center">Bread for the needy, dear father?</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po" style="text-align: right">Um&mdash;toast.</p><p class="citeauth">Atka Mip.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">beggar,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who has reliedon the assistance of his friends.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">behavior,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Conduct, as determined,not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom&rsquo;stranslation of the following lines from the <i>Dies Ir&aelig;</i>:</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><div xml:lang="la"><p class="poind2">Recordare, Jesu pie,</p><p class="poind2">Quod sum causa tuae vi&aelig;.</p><p class="poind2">Ne me perdas illa die.</p></div></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">Pray remember, sacred Savior,</p><p class="po">Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your</p><p class="po">Death-blow. Pardon such behavior.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Belladonna,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In Italian a beautifullady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Benedictines,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An order of monksotherwise known as black friars.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be</p><p class="poind1">A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.</p><p class="po">&ldquo;Here&rsquo;s one of an order of cooks,&rdquo; said she&mdash;</p><p class="poind1">&ldquo;Black friars in this world, fried black in the next.&rdquo;</p><p class="citeauth">&ldquo;The Devil on Earth&rdquo; <span style="font-style: normal">(<i>London</i>, 1712.)</span></p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">benefactor,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who makesheavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still withinthe means of all.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Berenice&rsquo;s Hair,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A constellation(<span xml:lang="la"><i>Coma Berenices</i></span>) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair tosave her husband.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">Her locks an ancient lady gave</p><p class="po">Her loving husband&rsquo;s life to save;</p><p class="po">And men&mdash;they honored so the dame&mdash;</p><p class="po">Upon some stars bestowed her name.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">But to our modern married fair,</p><p class="po">Who&rsquo;d give their lords to save their hair,</p><p class="po">No stellar recognition&rsquo;s given.</p><p class="po">There are not stars enough in heaven.</p><p class="citeauth">G. J.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bigamy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A mistake in tastefor which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bigot,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who is obstinatelyand zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">billingsgate,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The invective ofan opponent.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">birth,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The first and direst ofall disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were bornfrom the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote inthe tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. Itis known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedonwas the son of a cavern in Mount &AElig;tna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">blackguard,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A man whose qualities,prepared for display like a box of berries in a market&mdash;the fine ones on top&mdash;have been opened on the wrongside. An inverted gentleman.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">blank-verse,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Unrhymed iambicpentameters&mdash;the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affectedby those who cannot acceptably write any kind.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">body-snatcher,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A robber of grave-worms.One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.The hyena.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">&ldquo;One night,&rdquo; a doctor said, &ldquo;last fall,</p><p class="po">I and my comrades, four in all,</p><p class="poind1">When visiting a graveyard stood</p><p class="po">Within the shadow of a wall.</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">&ldquo;While waiting for the moon to sink</p><p class="po">We saw a wild hyena slink</p><p class="poind1">About a new-made grave, and then</p><p class="po">Begin to excavate its brink!</p></div> <div class="stanza"><p class="po">&ldquo;Shocked by the horrid act, we made</p><p class="po">A sally from our ambuscade,</p><p class="poind1">And, falling on the unholy beast,</p><p class="po">Dispatched him with a pick and spade.&rdquo;</p><p class="citeauth">Bettel K. Jhones.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bondsman,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A fool who, havingproperty of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.</p> <p class="indentpara">Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolutenobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. &ldquo;I need nobondsmen,&rdquo; he replied, &ldquo;for I can give you my word of honor.&rdquo; &ldquo;Andpray what may be the value of that?&rdquo; inquired the amused Regent. &ldquo;Monsieur, itis worth its weight in gold.&rdquo;</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bore,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A person who talkswhen you wish him to listen.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">botany,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The science of      vegetables&mdash;those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely withtheir flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bottle-nosed,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Having anose created in the image of its maker.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">boundary,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In politicalgeography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one fromthe imaginary rights of the other.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bounty,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The liberalityof one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.</p> <p class="quote">A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. Thesupplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator&rsquo;s bounty in providingfor the lives of His creatures.&mdash;<i>Henry Ward Beecher</i></p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">brahma,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> He who createdthe Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva&mdash;a rather neater division of laborthan is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are createdby Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese,are holy and learned men who are never naughty.</p> <blockquote class="poem"><div class="stanza"><p class="po">O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,</p><p class="po">First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,</p><p class="po">You sit there so calm and securely,</p><p class="po">With feet folded up so demurely&mdash;</p><p class="po">You&rsquo;re the First Person Singular, surely.</p><p class="citeauth">Polydore Smith.</p></div></blockquote> <p class="entry"><span class="def">brain,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An apparatus with whichwe think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to <i>be</i> something fromthe man who wishes to <i>do</i> something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforkedinto high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on.In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it isrewarded by exemption from the cares of office.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">brandy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A cordial composed ofone part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-graveand four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink ofheroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">bride,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A woman with a fine prospectof happiness behind her.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">brute,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> See<a href="H.html#husband"><span class="def">husband</span></a>.</p> </body></html>