<?xml version="1.0"?>       <!DOCTYPE package PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Package//EN"         "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"><html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /><title>The Devil&#8217;s Dictionary: Z</title></head><body lang="en-US">  <h1>Z</h1> <p class="entry"><span class="def">zany</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A popularcharacter in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the <i>buffone</i>, or clown, and was therefore theape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of theplay. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have theunhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in thehumorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is thecurate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, whoapes the devil.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Zanzibari</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Aninhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the eastern coast of Africa. TheZanzibaris, a warlike people, are best known in this country through athreatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. The Americanconsul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandybeach between. Greatly to the scandal of this official’s family, and againstrepeated remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the citypersisted in using the beach for bathing. One day a woman came down to the edgeof the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair of sandals) when theconsul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge of bird-shot into the mostconspicuous part of her person. Unfortunately for the existing <i>entente cordiale</i> between two greatnations, she was the Sultana.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">zeal</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A certainnervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goethbefore a sprawl.</p> <div class="poem"><p class="poetry">When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward<br />He went away exclaiming: “O my Lord!”<br />“What do you want?” the Lord asked, bending down.<br />“An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown.”</p> <p class="citeauth">Jum Coople</p></div> <p class="entry"><span class="def">zenith</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Thepoint in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. Aman in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, thoughfrom this view of the matter there was once a considerably dissent among thelearned, some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. These werecalled Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresywas finally extinguished by Xanobus, the philosopher-king of Abara, a zealousVerticalist. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter,he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them todetermine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the heelsoutside. Observing that it was the head of their leader, the Horizontalistshastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the Crown might bepleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its place among <i>fides defuncti</i>.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">Zeus</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The chiefof Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans asGod, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores ofAmerica, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance tothe interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinctdeities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists thatthe natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom heworships under many sacred names.</p> <p class="entry"><span class="def">zigzag</span>, <span class="pos">v.t.</span> Tomove forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man’sburden. (From <i>zed</i>, <i>z</i>, and <i>jag</i>,an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)</p> <div class="poem"><p class="poetry">He zedjagged so uncomen wyde<br />Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;<br />So, to com saufly thruh, I been<br />Constreynet for to doodge betwene.</p> <p class="citeauth">Munwele</p></div> <p class="entry"><span class="def">zoology</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The scienceand history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (<i>Muscamaledicta</i>). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded,but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science’s mostillustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom welearn (<i>L’Histoire generale des animaux</i> and <i>A History of Animated Nature</i>)that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.</p> </body>    </html>